Why my heart goes out to the dignified Hagues
William Hague is in some ways a pretty strange guy. Think teenage speeches, baseball caps and 14 pints. He’s also an obviously highly talented man, with intelligence and wit. Many years ago, I met him in a work context and he was utterly charming. Had he been able to wait a few more years before challenging for the Conservative leadership, I think he would have made quite a good job of it and we might not have had a third term of Blair.
All the recent speculation over his private life has been unreasonable. It’s all ‘if he was having an affair’, ‘what if he’s put his boyfriend on the payroll’ and ‘look at his voting on gay rights’. Salacious rumour-mongering carried out for the pleasure of its perpetrators, dressed up as transparency has no part in our political life.
William Hague has tonight issued a personal statement that is full of more dignity than his detractors could manage put together in their lifetimes. He said:
“Ffion and I believe that everyone has a right to a private life. However, we now feel it necessary to give some background to our marriage because we have had enough of this continued and hurtful speculation about us.
“I have made no secret of the fact that Ffion and I would love to start a family. For many years this has been our goal. Sadly this has proved more difficult for us than for most couples. We have encountered many difficulties and suffered multiple miscarriages, and indeed are still grieving for the loss of a pregnancy this summer. We are aware that the stress of infertility can often strain a marriage, but in our case, thankfully, it has only brought us closer together. It has been an immensely traumatic and painful experience but our marriage is strong and we will face whatever the future brings together.
“Several years ago one Sunday paper reported that Ffion was three months pregnant, without ever checking the story with us. This made even more difficult the fact that we had only just experienced another disappointment.
“We have never made this information public because of the distress it would cause to our families and would not do so now were it not for the untrue rumours circulating which repeatedly call our marriage into question. We wish everyone to know that we are very happily married. It is very regrettable to have to make this personal statement, but we have often said to each other “’if only they knew the truth…’ “.
I know only too well what it it like to be in the position that the Hagues now find themselves. It is bad enough finding that you cannot conceive a much longed for child, or that you lose such a child before you have told most people that you are expecting. When it happens time after time, you do not know where you find the strength to go on with life, but you do. Having unsuccessful fertility treatment is in many ways even worse – the high of seeing all those beautiful embryos, then finding out that your body is not good enough to look after them.
Only those who have been there repeatedly know just what it feels like. The endless well-meaning comments, asking when you are going to start a family, with the warning not to leave it ‘too late’. And if you are lucky enough to have one child, the remarks about not allowing her to be an only child soon follow, with dire warning about what will happen to her if you fail to provide her with a sibling.
The pressure of living a life not being able to tell people why you are not taking part in a particular activity, or why you are feeling unwell or look a little pale, is immense. Just as I don’t think those who have had the family they desire without too many problems can understand the very real pain of infertility, so I cannot imagine what it must be like to go through all of this with uninformed sniping about your relationship and sexuality.
My heart goes out to William and Ffion and I hope that they will one day be able to celebrate their own miracle, just as we did 14 years ago.
Related posts:
- I don’t need sexual seasoning, thanks
- It still doesn't feel like home – but it's where the heart is
- Your child is not yours
Comments
01 September 2010, 8:31 pm
The internet is full of comment on this tonight but none so perceptive & understanding of the realities of the situation as your post.
I think your explanation of how it is for couples who desperately want to conceive but can’t is spot on & really helpful.
02 September 2010, 12:31 am
This is nonsense. Of course miscarriage is a tragedy for those involved, but the real criticism of Hague was never about his childless marriage or his sexuality.
The real issue is putting Myers on the public payroll. He is ill qualified and seems to have been employed for being Hague’s friend. At a time when public servants are being sacked because we are told there is no money, this is unjustifiable. If Myers were female this would still be the case.
It is shameful of Hague to bring his and his wife’s personal problems into the public forum to distract from the real issue.