Rape, responsibility, blame and feminism
If you go out and leave your front door open, are you asking to be burgled? If you leave your laptop on the passenger seat of a parked car, is it your fault if the computer is stolen? If you get into bed naked with a man who fancies you and encourage him to have sex with you, are you in any way responsible if he rapes you?
In a survey of over 1,000 Londoners published yesterday, 71% of the women questioned said if a victim got into bed with the assailant before an attack they should accept some responsibility for being raped, compared to 51% of men. For those of us brought up to have some belief in feminism and to believe that ‘no means no’ these figures make uncomfortable reading.
I know that none of us have a problem with calling rape when a woman walking home is dragged into bushes, raped and assaulted. The problem is that, like the tiny minority of stranger danger cases of child murders, that’s not how rape usually happens. Raped women have often met their attacker first, whether a casual acquaintance in a public place, such as a pub, or having gone out for a date or round to a friend’s house. Note that I am describing these women as ‘raped’ , because that’s exactly what they are. No amount of low-cut clothing, flirty behaviour or drunkenness can excuse someone having sex with another who has not consented.
Is the person who leaves their door open responsible in any way for a burglary? Of course they are. Should the burglar be prosecuted and convicted? Yes, certainly. Should they be able to claim that they thought the householder was ‘inviting them to take their goods’ or was ‘asking for it’? No of course they shouldn’t. Who is to blame for the burglary? The burglar.
In the same way, is a woman who gets drunk and gets into bed with a man to blame for being raped? No. Was she ’asking for it’? Certainly not. Was she putting herself at risk because of the amount she had to drink? Of course she was. Does she therefore have some personal responsibility for what happened? Yes. Should her rapist be convicted? Yes, absolutely. If the woman did not consent to sex, she has been raped, whatever her previous behaviour.
Women today want to have it all – and why shouldn’t we? We can work on the same terms as men, be paid the same, own our own homes and succeed on an equal basis with men in almost every sphere. We no longer have to be demure and deferential. Ladettes can get drunk and act badly just the same as lads do. Women have been empowered to be what we want to be. But with empowerment comes responsibility. We cannot compete with men when it suits us, yet choose to play the little woman when it doesn’t. We have the responsibility to look after ourselves, rather than expect men to do it for us. Women are not children.
Personal responsibility is a private, rather than legal, issue. All women have a responsibility not to make it easy for them to become victims of crime, if only to themselves. So don’t leave your house unlocked, don’t leave your purse or handbag lying around and when you are going out take steps to make sure you will get home safely. But if someone forces you to have sex against your will, it’s still rape. And you’re not to blame.
Thought-provoking credit to Iain Roberts.
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Comments
28 February 2010, 7:28 am
You hit the nail on the head. A comprehensive and mature outline of the problem with peoples views and actions. Thanks for writing it